My Joys of Motherhood

Obviously, we are not posting much these days.  Maybe that will change again at some point, but blogging just doesn’t fit into our priorities right now.  We do, after all, have three children under the age of three.  Many people have asked what it’s like to have three children so close in age.  My answer is usually, “Humbling.”  As we’ve mentioned before, Bill and I pray for humility more than almost anything else, and God is still faithful to answer our prayers, but it is rarely in the way we want.  This has been yet another area He has been working, showing me I can’t do it on my own.  As an example, just before Esther was a month old, I got my cleaning supplies out for the first time since her birth.  That was as far as I got.  The rest of the day, I got to look at them longingly as they sat on the kitchen table.  For those of you who don’t know me, I love to clean, so it has been a blessing that God is slowly taking away yet another of my idols.

Besides being humbled through my children, though, the truth is I am more joyful than I have ever been.  Here are some things God has given me that I didn’t have before:

• 3 x’s the hugs and kisses
• 3 x’s the laughter and smiles
• 3 x’s the reminders of God’s patience with me
• 3 x’s the toys that make me smile as I watch my children discover (and 3 x’s the toys I get to play with)
• 3 x’s the individual talk of God in our household
• 3 x’s the stories I get to read
• 3 x’s the music and dancing
• 3 x’s the games we play
• 3 x’s the booboo’s I get to kiss
• 3 x’s the crying that will go away all too quickly as they grow too fast for my liking
• 3 x’s the birthday parties 
• 3 x’s the affection I get to see them display to each other
• 3 x’s the amount I get to watch Bill play with them (I think he’s so hot in those times)
• 3 x’s the amount I realize how gracious God is by giving me these little blessings I never deserved

 

Her Mentor and Friend

Since last fall, I have had the privilege of discipling Lindsey, one of the most beautiful women I have ever met (I mean that as far as inward beauty, but she is also absolutely gorgeous on the outside).  We meet almost every week, and I grow to love her more each time.  She has a heart that truly wants to be Christ-centered in every thing she says, does, and thinks.  She has challenged me much in the past few months.

Shamefully, I didn’t know Lindsey and her husband Drew had a blog until recently, so I popped over yesterday to visit it.  As I was looking at the sidebar, I noticed one link that said “My mentor.”  I clicked on it and found she had linked to me.  I know I am technically Lindsey’s mentor, but I honestly never think of myself in those terms, so it caught me a bit off-guard.  This may seem strange, but God used those two little words to point out another area of my sinfulness–my lack of being gospel-centered in my friendships.

Technically, Lindsey and I get together so I can point her to Christ in whatever way is needed, but even in that “official” setting, I keep finding myself simply sitting down to chat.  Now, there is nothing wrong with chatting.  In fact, it’s necessary to get to know others more intimately, but it can’t stop there. First Corinthians has much to say about spiritual gifts.  At one point when Paul is on the subject, he says “When you assemble…..let all things be done for edification” (1 Cor. 14:26).  Edification means building one another up, and since all things are to be done for the purpose of the gospel, I believe he means to build each other up in the gospel.  I have to wonder what my goal is when I speak with Lindsey or any of my friends for any length of time and talk far more about myself than our mighty Savior who gives us all things.

I have a friend I call each morning at 6:30 to make sure she is out of bed (her request–I’m not some Nazi).  Instead of our usual light chat one day, I shared with her some insights I had that morning while studying God’s word, and we had a beautiful 30 minute conversation.  She took me even further in my understanding of God’s goodness, and I was so grateful I had not simply hung up the phone after saying “Good morning.”

This is making me have a different focus on my friendships.  I am realizing I need to be more intentional about focusing all conversations on God, not waste my time talking so I feel like I had an outlet.  Do any of you have ways that you specifically try to do this in your own relationships?  I would love your help in growing in this area.

Yes, We’re Still Here

So, we have somewhat disappeared for a while and I’m sorry about that.  If you’re wondering where we’ve been, just scroll back a few posts to “Meet Esther” and you’ll see why.  Having that third child (especially a nursing infant) has certainly added to the family busyness and responsibilites, especially for Courtney who is home with the kiddos every day.  So, we would love to have your prayers in that.  God has been kind to show his faithfulness in being so good to us, but it doesn’t stop us from having rather full days.

Having said that, some recent technological upgrades in our home will hopefully assist us in getting back to blogging a bit.  I know Court has already written some drafts that only need a final revision before posting.  And I’m planning on writing some more in the future, as well.  Some of those will be a brief sketch on defining the emerging/emergent church (which is really no easy task), some more study on prayer, new pics of the family (always a hit), and ways you can pray for each of us.

So, keep sticking with us.  We’ll be around more soon to update you on the family and share our hearts with you.  Thanks for your patience!

Jonathan and Thomas, Eat Yer Hearts Out

Sorry we haven’t been writing lately.  Having three children is very humbling, especially when it comes to having time to get things done.  I got my cleaning supplies out for the first time in two weeks yesterday, but I never got to use them. :-)  I’ll take these precious little guys any day over a clean house, though.  To appease grandparents who are requesting more pictures (and Mandy who asked where we were), here are some new ones of our girls. 

FYI, Jonathan and Thomas are brothers that have been promised to our girls, isn’t that right Brian and Bill?  

 

Ariana “reading” a book.  She is especially good at reading upside down, as you can see.

Here is our sweet little Esther.  She is already almost 7 weeks old!

Meet Esther!!!!

Hey, everyone!

We just got home a little after 1:00 today and everyone is doing really well.  Thank you all so much for your prayers!   God has so richly blessed us by bringing our baby girl to us safely.  For those of you who know what this means, Courtney was able to successfully VBAC–in fact, she went completely naturally by God’s grace.  She was frickin’ awesome!  Aside from that really awfully horrible labor pain (stinkin’ curse in the garden…), everything went as close to perfect as we could have imagined.  Thanks be to God!

And here are the stats:

Esther Evangeline Bell
Born: Sunday, February 17th at 11:01 a.m.
Weight: 8 lbs. 6 oz.
Length: 22 in.

I, the Lord Your God, Am Holy

I have a confession to make.  The book of Leviticus and I have had less than a close relationship in my short lifetime.  Each time I come to this book, I come with groanings.  I have always felt it was redundant, boring, and confusing.  Since beginning my inductive study of the Bible, though, I came this time with a renewed hope that I would see something I have been missing.  Unfortunately, my study until a few days ago gave me a renewed bitterness for the book.  I have found myself most mornings saying, “There are so many types of sacrifices.  What is the difference?  It seems like they are calling the sacrifices different names but they all serve the same purpose,” or “This seems crazy!  Why are people with leprosy or women who give birth unclean and then have to make a sin offering?  It doesn’t seem like they did anything wrong.”

Each time I begin spouting off questions like this, my loving husband will say something like, “Court, why does this all make you so angry?  Are you angry because you feel like this is hindering you having a gospel-centered life or because you feel you deserve to have God’s knowledge?”  Ouch!  This poignant question always reveals one of my greatest heart issues–a pursuit of knowledge instead of a pursuit of Christ.

As always, when I feel like I am in a spiritual valley, God reveals Himself to me in a magnificent way.  The past few mornings it has been through two chapters in Leviticus.  In chapter 19, God is giving the Israelites several “do’s and don’ts,” and he followed almost every paragraph with the words, “I am the Lord your God.”  Earlier in the same chapter, He says, “I the Lord your God am holy.”  As I was reading this, my mind went to Romans 9:20.  Paul is addressing some questions the Romans are sure to ask regarding God’s sovereignty, and he responds with “Who are you, O man, who answers back to God?”  I am not holy.  I am just a human with a sinful nature and a feeble mind.  The Holy Spirit convicted me of the sin of pridefulness in my heart that is exhibited each time I want to question God’s motives for doing something.  I am not to question Him but to trust Him in all His goodness.  He is the creator, a God of order, and a God who works all things together for the good of those who love Him.  Who do I think I am?

The answer to the question of who I really am came to me as I was reading chapter 20.  In this chapter, God tells the Israelites the consequences of breaking some of these commands.  Almost every time the consequence is death or being cut off from Him.  As I looked at each sin, I knew I had committed almost all of them in some form, and I was able to rejoice once again for the core of the gospel message–I, a vile sinner, deserve nothing more than death and the wrath of God; however, in His infinite goodness and mercy, God provided a way for me to stand in His presence.  He sent His Son, who was sinless and holy, to be the one and only needed sacrifice to take away all those sins for eternity.  Now, because of that amazing grace and Jesus interceding for me, I, detestable, abhorrent, and guilty though I was, will one day stand before my great God and Savior who has taken away the sins of the world!  There is no praise that can go high enough!

Even though I don’t understand much of Leviticus, I’m grateful that God was kind to remind me that even this difficult book shows His grace and mercy in a multitude of ways.

Music Advice

I find myself getting into music ruts, and I think I have been in one for close to a year now.  Basically as far as Christian music goes I listen to Sojourn music, Sovereign Grace music, and a little Derek Webb.  Will you give me some ideas of additional music to listen to?  I prefer music with rich, gospel-centered lyrics over a specific music style, so any suggestions are welcomed.

Help Yourself

Bill and I get up at 4:30 in the morning because of his work schedule.  When the alarm went off one day last week, Bill went straight to the shower.  While I was doing a few things in the bedroom, I heard a clanging sound coming from the kitchen.  I quickly went out to find my son standing on the open dishwasher door trying to help himself to a cup.  Early riser, or sleep walker?  Whichever one it was, it was darn funny.

A Nail In His Toes

Liam and I were reading through one of his Bibles this week and came to a picture of Jesus on the cross.  This was a cartoon drawing with no blood, but Liam stopped at this picture and stared for quite a while.  He looked very concerned.  I asked what was wrong, and he said, “He has a nail in His toes.”  Liam still has a limited vocabulary compared to most other children his age, but he was able to comprehend that something was wrong with the picture, and he didn’t like the fact that Jesus had a nail in His “toes.”  I looked at Liam with tears and said, “That’s right, Baby, He did have a nail in His toes and His hands, but more than that, He didn’t even get to be in God’s presence at that time, and He was God’s perfect Son.  What’s even greater is that Jesus let bad people put those nails there without a fight so those people would never have to be out of God’s presence.  He really loves His people!” 

It was a very simple gospel presentation, and I’m sure Liam didn’t understand, but I was moved by Liam’s reaction to such a simple picture even though he doesn’t have a comprehension of pain sources yet.  How often we feel like we can only see gruesome pictures of Christ before we are affected by what He did for us on the cross (i.e. movies like “The Passion of the Christ”).  Why am I not more affected when I see a simple drawing in a toddler’s Bible, not as much for the physical pain Jesus underwent, but for the agony of having God turn His back on Him because He took our well-deserved wrath upon Himself?  This is what it means to be cross-centered–to always remember where we would be without Jesus’ sacrifice and to glory in Him daily for the freedom and joy we have if we put our faith in Him and sacrifice every aspect of our lives to Him and His gospel.  May we never boast in our own works! 

Focus On the Good

Sunday, I was slightly hurt when a good-intentioned friend brought my darling little girl out of the nursery at church and said, “Dra-ma!”  Worried, I asked what had happened.  Laughing, she told me how every time one of the other babies cried, Ariana would look up at her with puppy dog eyes because she also wanted attention.  She then went on to say, “I know you’ve told me how dramatic she is before, but I had never seen it.  She was so funny!”

Looking at a teacher with attention-seeking eyes didn’t seem so dramatic to me, and I wondered why she made a big deal about it.  It struck me that the key was in those words, “I know you’ve told me how dramatic she is…”  She was focused on it because I had brought her attention to it. 

All children are sinful, and there are definitely appropriate times when we should discuss their sinfulness with others.  One such time would be when seeking counsel about how to deal with the sinfulness from someone who has experience in that area.  However, as a mom I tend to only draw people’s attention to the evil in my children instead of the good.  This is a form of my pridefulness.  I don’t want others to think I’m vain about my children; instead I want them to think I’m a good mother who is aware of every area of sin that my children show (a.k.a. that I’m not one of those parents who somehow manage to overlook their child’s obvious sinful patterns–please note sarcasm toward myself) .  

God began convicting me deeply that day about my attitude toward my children.  Why do I never tell people how fun and joyful Ariana is or how concerned she gets when any member of the household is upset?  Why do I not talk about how easy-going she is (especially considering she has a two-year old brother)?  Why do I rarely talk about Liam’s compassion and tenderness?  Why do I focus on his boyhood energy as if it’s a bad thing?  Why do I not talk about how obedient he is most of the time or how his little mind is like a sponge (you should hear him quote memory verses and catechisms)?  And why do I not share with people how much joy both our children bring us and how much I praise God for these little jewels almost every day?  How sad I would be without them!

The reason I don’t is because I am still the worst of sinners regardless of the grace God has given me.  I am focused more on people’s attitudes toward me than I am the blessing God pours out for me every day.  I would rather make myself look good and my children look bad.  I am discontent with the (wonderful) lot God has given me in this world.  I still want to take all glory from God instead of living a life that is focused on His gospel.  Praise God that Jesus is still interceding for me every moment so that despite my vileness I will one day stand in the presence of His holiness!  How amazing!

My prayer is that God will show even more grace by opening my blind eyes to His goodness and the lovely children He has blessed me with instead of allowing me to give in to my instincts to see only evil when I see my children.  I pray that each time I am tempted to see their evil, I will first see the evil in my own heart and will show them a similar grace to the one God shows me each minute.  Will you pray with me?