The Bell Family

Random ponderings on God, life, and the humor all around us


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Kidisms

I pronounce your nutrition good:
Victoria: Does the milk in my tea tepniptly (technically) count as milk for the day?

That poor lady:
Me (reading): “Napoleon believed at that moment it was destiny for him to become great.”
C: What happened to Destiny? Did she die?
After a couple of us were picking on Victoria:
M: And she didn’t even hear any of it!
Victoria: Yes, I did! What’d you say?
Don’t stop at mostly dead:
Josiah: I’m going to kill Batman to death.
The first will be…first:
M: You’re better than me at this game.
Josiah: Yeah, I’m waaaaaay better!
Me: Are you way more humble, too?
Josiah: Yep!
It is not death to die:
Courtney: We’re going to Dad’s seminary cookout tonight.
C: Wait, who died???
Courtney: That would be cemetery, not seminary.
Anybody want a peanut?
Aiden: What are you eating, Mommy? Oh, a mint.
Court: Is that what you MEANT to say?
Aiden: Ha! That rhymes!

Making up sentences for a spelling test:
Me: Pounds. The boy weighed 100 pounds.
Josiah: 100 pounds?!!
Victoria: She’s just making up stories for spelling. A boy didn’t ACTUALLY weigh 100 pounds.

Seeing a drained pool:
Josiah: Is that filled with dry water?
I see humble Josiah:
Bill: I see cute Victoria, I see cute Aiden, I see cute Malcolm…
Josiah: Daddy, my name isn’t Malcolm!
We shall rename you “Guru”:
Victoria: Animals have to survive through winter, or else they die.
The kids had a book that played a song when opened:
Josiah: That song is so annoying.
Court: Says the boy who keeps playing it over and over.
Josiah: That’s because I like it!
He’s destined to be a math professor:
Aiden: Josiah, what’s 2+3?
Josiah: That easy! It’s four.
The kids drew names for Christmas gifts for each other. They were told to make a list of things they themselves wanted so their siblings would have some ideas:
Court: Did you give me a list of what you want or what Esther (the sibling she drew) wants?
Victoria: What Esther wants! I asked her.
Court: You were supposed to make a list of what you want.
Victoria: …tooooo give to Esther!
Court: No! You need to go make a list of things you want.
Victoria: But I want all those things!
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Kidisms

It’s not cheating:
Miriam: You don’t have to use that part of the game.
Courtney: Yes, you do!
Miriam: No, I mean you don’t have to use it if you’re not going to follow the rules.

Ready for a hair commercial:
Liam: I was out of my shampoo, so I actually used three different kinds that were in the shower. But I really like the way my hair feels. It’s really soft!
Courtney: I bet you used conditioner. Did you?
Liam: No, I checked to make sure they all said “hair” on the bottle.

Liam talking about grades:
Liam: F stands for fail, right? Or maybe it stands for phenomenal!?
Courtney: If you think phenomenal starts with F, then you probably deserve that grade.

Demonstrating how much the little boys struggled with phonics:
Courtney: Josiah, what does “dumb” start with?
Josiah: (d)!!!
Me: Okay, Aiden, what does “Mom” start with?
Aiden: (b)!!!

Same difference:
M___: Do you have any hippie songs? You know, like with banjos?
Bill (confused for a couple of beats ): Do you mean hipster music?
M___: Yeah!!

Huh?
Bill: Miriam, why didn’t you change clothes like I told everyone to do?
Miriam: Oh, I didn’t hear you say that.
Bill: I guess I should expect at this point to have more and more times of kids claiming they didn’t hear me.
Miriam: What did you say?

The first time our newest daughter walked through our house:
C___: Wait! I thought you said there was a church in your house!!

Referring to Cain’s adversaries being punished seven times worse than he was:
Victoria: Why did God punish Abel [Cain] by making people pay $7 if they killed him?

After Esther got dish soap in her eye.
Bill: Well, go to Mr. Dan and have him spit in your eye. That should help.
Esther: I would rather go to Jesus than have that happen.

Talking about how old people were in the beginning of Genesis:
Victoria: Yeah, like our grandparents! They’re super old!!!

Discussing the differences between Apple and Android:
M___: I like Apple better
Courtney: So does Dad.
Josiah: I like bananas better!

She’s so popular…:
Victoria: Those people at the next table were talking about me. I know because they said, “Victoria’s secret.”

Dead-Beat Dad:
Bill: Didn’t I ban you from eating outside the other day?
Victoria (thinking): No, you abandoned me before that.

Trying to get Josiah to guess her password (which was “Batman”):
Victoria: What does Daddy really love?
Josiah: Mooooooooommmy!!!

In the herbivore family:
C___: Hey, look! A convertabore! [Convertible]


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My Wife Cracks Me Up, Part 6

Private correction
Telling me about how one of the kids needed some correction while she was driving in the van: “You know how I do it. I tell them I’m gonna talk to them later, and then I just go ahead and say it anyway.”

Tough call
I asked Court jokingly, “Which kid is your favorite?” After a thoughtful pause, she replied, “It’s hard to choose between the two.”

Lower than what, exactly?
After reading a reference in her school notes, Courtney asked me, “And why are we called the lower 48 states? I know my geography is terrible, but isn’t Hawaii close to the bottom”

I’m not sure going all-organic is the answer
Giving a theological treatise on the effects of sin in our bodies: “All disease is stupid. It all comes back to a piece of fruit.”

Smile, because it confuses people…
In reference to the fact that Ariana and I are perpetual smilers: “You’re both like the Joker.”

Don’t we all?
After telling the kids about my days loading packages for UPS and the frequent drug dog visits, Courtney pipes in: “I want a drug dog.”

Channeling her inner Yogi Berra
In response to a minor scrape: “A little pain never hurt anyone.”

A gentle word of correction
When one of our girls was acting cranky: “Your panties are in a wad and I’m not gonna reach in there to pull them out for you.”

Smart fun
At family camp, Victoria was doing something incredibly stupid at the playground that was most likely going to get her hurt: “You can have fun without being a moron.”


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Kidisms

Talking about her younger sibling:

Miriam: I like Josiah a lot, and I like Victoria a little.

Right after Miriam farted:

Liam: That was Miriam and that was cool!

While decorating for Christmas:

Miriam: Do we have any hooks to hang our stockings with?

Bill: No.

Miriam: Well what do we do? Do we call the police? Or are they only for catching bad guys?

During breakfast:

Liam: Too much syrup is bad for you. You should have powdered sugar instead.

Almost…:

Miriam: Liam is eight which means he’s almost twelve.


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Kidisms

*We couldn’t decide which blog these should be on. They reflect fun parenting moments and are sweet memories for our family, so we’ll be double posting these each time.

Ariana and Liam were being competitive one day trying to get their school work done first:

Me: You two don’t need to race.

Ariana: Yes, we do.

Me: Why do you think you have to race?

Ariana: Cause when we mess up, we have to race.

Bill: Do you mean erase?

Ariana: Oh. Yeah.

Big announcement:

Miriam: My favorite colors are black and green, cuz that’s the color of my poop.

That makes sense:

Bill: Should you disobey Mommy?

Ariana: Uh huh.

Bill: What?

Ariana: Uh huh means no.

A child’s observational skills:

After Esther held Josiah in the bathtub so Bill could give him a bath, she observed: “Daddy! Josiah has a tail like you and Liam do!”

We obviously still have much to learn with time concept:

Liam: How long will it take you to drive to Florida?

John: About 18 hours.

Liam: Whoa! That will probably take you 4 days! Maybe even 12 days!