For the past month or so, I have been experiencing unexplained sadness mixed with very dark nightmares. Everything has felt like it has been hard. We have been doing all we can think of, beginning with lots and lots of prayer. I have shared this with four close sisters and Bill has shared with a close brother. All have been showering us with prayers, scripture, and encouragement. I have also been consistently exercising 6 days/week and am getting plenty of sleep. Still, though, God has chosen according to His perfect will not to take this away for now.
Today Bill shared with me that he has been wondering about a medicine I have been taking. We decided a few months ago that I should take a very powerful medicine for my Crohn’s. I give myself injections every two weeks, and there are many dangerous potential side effects. As we researched today, we found out that one such side effect is depression. The medicine takes about 12 weeks to take effect, and as we compared times, we realized the sadness started around the same time the Humira should have started making a difference.
I share this with you for a few reasons. One, pray for wisdom from my doctor and us as we decide on the best step to take. Second, pray that the sadness goes away, even if not related to the medicine. Third, pray. Are you seeing a pattern here? Seriously, though, I need prayer. Ultimately, this hopelessness is a lie coming from the enemy, and I am going to fight him with all that’s in me because I have the Holy Spirit in me, dang it! And He can kick some serious tail! Some of you who read are the godliest family and friends I know, and I know when I ask you to pray, you will. Thank you all for loving me through this time.