Many women I know will tell me that they are not very dependent on their husbands. Not me. I am pitifully dependent on him. Bill is by far my favorite person to be with, and he is what brings me more joy than anything else. I have amazing friends, but I can never think of a time when I wanted to be with a friend (or my children) more than with Bill. When I’m with him, I feel complete.
Lately, though, Bill has been working quite a bit of overtime to help with future purchases we have to make. Needless to say, I have been a bit lonely and a bit clingy when he does finally get home. 🙂 A few mornings ago, though, I was reminded of the One I have who is sweeter than Bill.
Bill leaves during my quiet time, and I became very sad when the time came that morning. After he left, I had one of those precious, rare (at least for me) moments of prayer when you don’t want to do anything but sit at God’s feet. I usually only pray for 5-10 minutes in the morning, but I couldn’t get up for more than 45 minutes that morning, and then only by sheer will. As I was pouring my heart out to my Lord, He seemed to wrap me in His arms and remind me that He never leaves and that He is the only true source of joy. It was almost as though I realized for the first time that God doesn’t go to work, doesn’t go to the store, doesn’t take the kids out, doesn’t even leave to go to the bathroom. He is always there listening to my prayers and listening to my heart when I am too self-centered to approach Him in prayer. Bill’s name means strong protector, but God is a much stronger protector than Bill could imagine.
I have been going through a long season of self-pity, and it was a beautiful wake-up to be reminded that there is One who knows my heart better than I do, and He never leaves me alone, even for a second. He is still working all things, including every circumstance in my life, together for the good of those who love Him. I pray He continues teaching me to sit with Him and talk to Him each time I long for an unavailable Bill. I especially pray that He will show me grace to make Him my only God instead of trying to use Bill as a substitute.