For those of you who are stay-at-home moms, you know that it’s difficult to actually get a true vacation from your job. Even when on vacation, you usually still have the kids with you, so you’re still working. For about four days last week, I got my first only-Mommy vacation.
A couple of weeks ago I let myself give in to so much sinfulness because I was having a pity party. I was tired from the pregnancy, sick from Crohn’s, unsatisfied with finances, desiring to be lazy, lonely for adult conversation, and, probably worst of all, getting annoyed with every little thing Bill was doing. All I did was think about the future and a better time instead of getting on my knees before my Savior and repenting for my discontentment.
Bill and I discussed the possibility of sending the kids to stay with our parents for a few days. I asked several people for their opinion on the matter, and every one said they felt sending them would be a wise decision, so basically it was me against them. I was the only one who didn’t want to give my children up for a break and reevaluation (I convinced myself I would be shirking my responsibilities). When I finally gave, I realized I didn’t want to give them up because I was scared to live with just Bill again. I had forgotten how to do that, and it made me uncomfortable.
Well, the kids left Tuesday afternoon and came back Saturday. Tuesday was hard, but the rest of the week was glorious. Bill and I have gotten to reconnect in a way we haven’t done since Liam was born. He has been loving me beautifully while being honest about some ways I have been selfish, and through God’s grace I am seeing other sinful areas of my life that need work. I am becoming aware of how I look like the world as taught in 1 John 2:15-17.
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in them. For all that is in the world–the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions–is not from the Father but is from the world, and the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.
How easily and quickly I forgot to look at life in terms of eternity and fell in love with the world instead! What a shameful example I’m laying out for my children and others who see me, and what a grotesque lack of respect and submission I was showing Bill. I praise God for revealing this sin to me and pray for His grace to transform my heart in this area and to desire Him and His ways above the things in the world. I want the love of the Father in me.
By the way, the kids are back now, and we received them with very ready, loving arms!