Email to Bill Monday, May 25 2009

A little background to the email.  We have a sock filled with rice that you can heat in the microwave.  Instant heating pad!  We also don’t use our bathroom while our wee babies are sleeping in the room with us.  We use the guest bathroom instead so we don’t make much noise.  The only time our bathroom is used or even walked into is during the middle of the night feedings when I have to do my thing.  I don’t even turn the light on.  Our children, however, love to explore the whole house–anytime.  Here’s the email:

Subject: Good Grief!

Email:  Do I want to know why the rice sock is in our toilet or how many times I peed on it in the middle of the night?

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Courtney’s New Favorite Song… Wednesday, Apr 29 2009

…I think mainly because she can relate so closely to the lyrics. 

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The Birth Story Friday, Apr 17 2009

Here’s the birth story we promised, and let me tell you, it’s quite entertaining.

Our family was on our way to church for the 5:00 service on Easter Sunday.  When we took the exit, I told Bill I had already had 3 contractions in the van but said I wasn’t too concerned yet.  We arrived at church, and I took Ariana to her room while Bill went into the service with Liam and Esther.  For some reason my biggest girl decided to have a meltdown outside her door, so I ended up staying with her for a while so as not to disturb the teaching that was already in progress, the whole time feeling my contractions getting stronger and closer.  I don’t think I ended up in the service until 45 minutes late or so.  When I got in Bill started timing my contractions.  At this point they were making me tear up and were around five minutes apart.  I wanted to stay, though, so I simply sat when needed and took some good deep breaths.  I felt like our pastor kept giving me strange looks, but I always think he’s looking directly at me since I swear he has a camera in my house and writes sermons based on the sin he sees specifically in my life. 

When the service was over, we stayed and chatted while we waited for our babysitter, Rachel, to get there.  People have some great reactions when they ask your due date and you tell them you’re in labor right now.  Once Rachel arrived, we headed home and started making phone calls, though my wonderful friend and OB, Heather, was not one of those yet.  In fact, Bill posted about my labor on facebook right before we called her.  She found out because her husband, Chip, was the first to see Bill’s status and told her.  Oops!  She was so sweet and gracious, though, as always.

After my doula, Lorie, arrived, contractions progressed pretty quickly.  We decided to go to the hospital around 10:30 and left about 10 minutes later.  While Bill was checking us in, registration called upstairs and told them to come quickly because they thought this lady looked like she was about to deliver.  The wheelchair was there within five minutes and I was soon in the delivery room.  The nurse told me to go in the restroom to get in my gown and give a urine sample.  Bill went in with me, and we closed the door.

Almost as soon as I had given the sample, I looked at Bill with a panicked expression and started hitting the rail.  Bill asked what was going on but I couldn’t say anything.  Suddenly I started pushing.  Heather was already outside the door and heard me.  I told Bill I felt like I was in a cop show because at that point Heather started beating on the door asking me what was wrong.  When I wasn’t responding (except with grunts), she said, “Courtney, we’re coming in!”  I looked at her and said, “need. to. push.”

Heather:  O.K.  Let’s get you to the bed.

(someone’s hands helping me stand up, still over the toilet)

Me:  Can’t!

(gave a push and felt the head come out–put my hand under her head so she didn’t fall in the toilet)

Heather saw what was going on and was quickly there to catch, ahem, deliver Miriam the rest of the way.  I gave one more push and she was out.  She was delivered in her water which splashed on the floor once Heather had a hold of her.  I heard, “It’s a girl!” and broke into hysterical laughter along with my doula.  I looked at her and said, “Did I really just give birth?”  We were laughing so hard that everyone kept reminding me to look at Miriam.  I forgot she was there in the craziness!  She was absolutely beautiful, though it was hard to see her through all the tears I was crying from laughing so hard.

Bill cut her cord (in the bathroom), and they took me to the bed to deliver the placenta.  Miriam Elise was 7 lbs. 6 oz. and 19 inches long, born at 11:15 p.m., very healthy.  It took about 30 minutes more before the placenta came, and then it was pretty much over.  The nurse who got the call from registration said I delivered 10 minutes from the time I had arrived at the hospital.  Heather talked to Bill later and with a sweet smile said, “Cut it a little close, don’t you think?”  I don’t know.  I think I could have gone a little longer. 

I like to say I went in to give a urine sample and came out with a baby, but my father-in-law says that some day I will have to tell Miriam I pooped her out.  We’ll see…

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Liam’s Answers Sunday, Jul 20 2008

While our children’s director was trying to teach Liam logic (jokingly) after finding out Liam loved the movie Cars:

Jared:  O.K. Liam, all cars have tires.  Lightning McQueen is a car.  So, what does Lightning McQueen have?
Liam:  Stickers!

While reviewing memory verses:

I have bad breath (Let everything that has breath praise the Lord.  Praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6).
Teach me to do your will for you break an egg (Teach me to do your will for you are my God. Psalm 143:10a).

A sweet answer when we were talking about Abraham and Sarah and sometimes having to wait a long time for an answer from God:

Me:  What would you like to ask God to help you with?
Liam: To not disobey.

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Playing Daddy Saturday, Jun 28 2008

I recently received a gift from my wife and kids for Father’s Day/my birthday.  It was a picture of each of them wearing Daddy’s clothes and participating in a very representative Daddy activity.  In this case, it’s playing guitar (with flip flops on), at the office (with pen on ear, on the phone, and fruit nearby), and reading a book (in this particular case, about the founding of the U.S. Navy).  It was darn sweet and I now have all three pictures on a ribbon-covered canvas at work.  I hope you like them as much as I did.

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Animal Sacrifices? Wednesday, Dec 19 2007

I lead children’s worship at church every couple of months or so.  It’s always interesting any time you ask kids questions, but I thought one particular Sunday was more interesting than usual.  We were teaching a new song written by a member of Sojourn called “Everything You Do.”  The point of the song is to try to show kids how all they do should be done for Christ (i.e. washing dishes, doing puzzles, etc.).  At the end of the song you ask, “What kind of things do you do?” and let the kids respond.  It had been going well until I called on one little boy whose response was “I sacrificed my cat.”  By God’s grace, I realized he might not have meant what it seemed like he meant, so I avoided a look of horror on my face.  A much flustered Courtney stammered quite a bit, tried to quickly make a decision, and started to go with it (I am never good when I have to think on my toes).  Thankfully, two teachers in the back who were thinking clearly quickly shouted “NO!”  Coming back to my senses, I stopped and began to explain how sacrificing our cats isn’t really something we should do for Christ.   We asked for a different response and laughed much about it after the kids had gone.

Note:  The little boy’s cat had just died the week before and that was his way of saying he had let him go.    Praise God I didn’t treat him like he was totally whacked out!  Kids are hard, no matter what some people say. 

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Our Home Tuesday, Dec 11 2007

Random thoughts I’ve had since moving into our first house, built in 1946: 

* Mice were cute until they came inside.
* I don’t think Yankee candles should ever come up with a scent called sewage.
* Why, oh, why can’t I paint a straight line on walls even when I use tape?
* Ceilings don’t keep their pearly while color when water drips through them.
* Handwashing dishes hasn’t been as fun as I thought it would be.
* Rocks are beautiful in a flower bed unless you want to dig up the flower bed.
* What grass?
* Utility rooms can work as offices.
* Can’t we just hide the hole in the wall instead of filling it?
* We’ll never have to buy a swimming pool!  We have one provided for us in the back yard every time it rains.
* Garages are still useful even if you can’t park a car in them.
* Who needs a wheelbarrow when you have a wagon?
* Having a huge one pane window just gives you an excuse to layer up on cold days.
* Praise God for my beautiful, perfect little house!

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Summary of My Last Year on the Computer Sunday, Nov 18 2007

I usually don’t enjoy receiving forwards, but I thought this one from our friend Laura was pretty funny.  

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
  
I have to scrub the top of every can I open.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but  that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.  

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.  

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.  

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.    
 
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.  

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…  Have a wonderful day….

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Rappa P Diddy Homefry Monday, Sep 10 2007

So, my brother Paul is not a very public guy.  He doesn’t care for the spotlight and certainly doesn’t enjoy making a fool of himself.  Well, when your paycheck is on the line, that can change things a bit.  And this video (which actually did air as a commercial in western Kentucky) is proof of that.  So, presenting my nearly-CPA brother Paul or, as I like to call him, “Rappa P Diddy Homefry” (he’s the one with hair, by the way):

NOTE: You’ll have to click on the picture below to go to YouTube and watch the video.

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Cows? Tuesday, Aug 28 2007

We have been in Southern Indiana two nights this week looking for houses.  As a result, we have ended up doing the fast food thing two nights in a row (looking forward to home cookin’ tonight).  As we were standing in line at Burger King, Liam suddenly looked at me, raised his arms in a shrug, and asked, “Where are cows?”  I was very confused for a moment until I realized the last restaurant we had been in was Chick-fil-a.  I guess Liam thought that each fast food restaurant would have a giant cardboard cutout of a cow holding a sign.  How did I respond?  Well, in my usual sensitive manner, I laughed hard and said, “Honey, you’re getting ready to eat that cow!”

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