A Quick Note Thursday, Jun 18 2009

In yesterday’s post, I mentioned a few of Bill’s duties that I help him achieve through Christ.  I wanted to quickly mention something I have been asked about (and wondered myself).  Notice that I talked about how I work to fulfill Bill’s biblical goals.  What if my husband’s goals are to come home, kick back in his recliner, pop open a beer, and watch sports all day while I serve him like crazy?  That probably would not be a biblical goal for your husband to do regularly (though I would argue that there is a biblical place for intentional rest, and if that is how your husband rests he probably is not sinning); however, and I tread here lightly, you should still focus on serving him in this behavior.  First, you are called to be his helpmate, and if this is how he wants you to help him, then choose obedience to God.  God will be pleased.   Second, focusing on your husband’s failures only opens the door for you to stop focusing on your own failures and to grow in self-righteousness (1 John 1:8-9).  1 Peter 3:1-2 says,

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Your command is to submit to your husband, so even if he is not following God’s word perfectly (and no one does–Romans 3:23), God will use your behavior toward your husband to sanctify him.

Edit: As it turns out, my favorite bloggers and I have a similar series going at the same time.  That’s what I get for not looking around first to make sure I wasn’t being redundant.  Check out their blog, too, as the Spirit has gifted them with far more wisdom than I.  The series begins here, but they are still posting.

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With What Am I Helping? Wednesday, Jun 17 2009

As with all things, we must know the why before we begin the what, so I am going to do my best to explain the why of my homekeeping before I get into some practical tips.  According to Genesis, I was created to be Bill’s helpmate.  That means all I do in managing my home brings the most glory to God if it fits into the plan of helping Bill, but with what am I helping him?  Well, some things Bill is called to are his own spiritual well being, the spiritual well being of me and the kids, serving others (both believers and unbelievers), and some things around the house that require muscle (of which I have little).  My purpose for managing our home must help serve him so he can be freed up to glorify God through his duties.

What I do must not necessarily be according to other Christians’ standards but according to God’s word and my husband’s needs.  For instance, I had a friend who told me she felt like a failure because she wasn’t making lunch for her husband every morning.  Upon prodding her a bit, I discovered her husband didn’t even want her to make his lunch.  He didn’t feel it helped him with any of his duties, and he enjoyed his lunch more when he made it himself.   At one season of our lives, Bill wasn’t getting much time in the word.  Mornings seemed like the best time for him, so I began preparing his lunch in the mornings to free up some time for him to pray and study scripture.  Being a helpmate to our husbands looked different for my friend and me.  Because there is no biblical command to prepare your husband’s lunch, she did not need to do this task, but it was a great service to Bill and our whole family for me to prepare his.

This is what some of that looks like for our family.   Some things Bill feels like are important for our family on a daily basis is that he gets to spend time in the word and in prayer (he gets most of this during his long bus rides and walks in the morning and afternoon), that he is the main theology teacher in our home, that he spends individual time with each child, that we spend some time together as a family, that he gets sufficient time connecting with me, that we get sufficient time for sleep so he can be rested enough to serve us, and that he gets work done that I can’t do.  Approximately, we take one hour for dinner, training, and talking as a family, 30 minutes of individual time with each child, 15 minutes for family worship, one hour at least of uninterrupted talking time with me, and some time for us to do something fun together like play outside, play a game, read, or whatever.  He also almost always has some kind of job to do around the house.  For example, last night our closet shelves randomly fell, so Bill spent an hour reinstalling. 

With all those duties (and that’s just the bare minimum) and considering he only has about 5 hours from the time he gets home to the time he goes to bed, how could I expect Bill so split homekeeping chores with me when he gets home?  No one (including me) would be served in that instance.  Bill would miss out on some quality time with at least some of us, and all of our spiritual growth would be stunted.  Also, if we lived in a house of chaos and disorder, it would be difficult to have places to romp together or to find things quickly in the limited time he has.  With how easy it is for our family to pass sickness around and around to each other, cleanliness also becomes an important factor.  Therefore, I strive to keep a clean and ordered home (just ignore the plethora of toys on the floor during the day), and I strive to do it all on my own before he gets home.  Granted this does not always work out perfectly, especially in our season of having 100lbs of little ones running around, but this is my goal, and I do it joyfully (sometimes) for God’s glory.

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Shout Out for Elder’s Wives Friday, Sep 19 2008

I have been studying Acts for the past couple of months now, so the Holy Spirit and His work in us has been on my mind a lot.  This morning I was reading Acts 20 when Paul is talking to the elders at the church of Ephesus.  In verse 28, he says,

Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock, among which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to shepherd the church of God which He purchased with His own blood.

The part that hit me hardest this morning was the reminder that the Holy Spirit, not man, made these men overseers of their flock.  The same is true today.  We should have confidence knowing our elders are in that position because the Holy Spirit put them there. 

Then I began thinking about their wives.  They also were given to these men through the Holy Spirit, and though often forgotten, they have a tough job.  The elders’ wives at Sojourn are continually giving of themselves, serving their husbands sacrificially every day so our elders can be freed up to serve their flock as faithfully as possible.  These women do most of their work in the background but work harder than most in the church.  I was reflecting on each of the six women who fulfill this role at Sojourn and was filled with joy as I could see how God has used them in my life alone, knowing how vital they are to the spiritual health of our church.  My dear friend Karen (who coincidentally is one of our elders’ wives) has shared with me more than once the importance of encouraging others to their faces, and though this isn’t technically face to face, I want to publically praise our Savior for the work He is doing in each of their lives.  Some I know better than others, but all have been part of my spiritual growth.

Karen Cheong–I could write a book here.  This beautiful woman is the one every woman wants to be her mentor.  She is the epitome of biblical womanhood.  I have often prayed God would teach me to love my husband, children, and others in the way Karen loves.  She is possibly one of the busiest women alive, but when I have called on her, she has often dropped everything to meet my need.  This woman knows how to encourage!  She has taught me more in the brief moments I have had with her than I could ever learn from a book.

Sarah Cosper–Is there anyone who has a sweeter spirit?  This lady loves every person she meets unconditionally, and she always has a kind word to say.  She is an amazing example of humility.  She dearly loves her husband and daughter and is regularly public about her affection for them.  No corrupting talk comes from her mouth, but only talk that is good for building others up.   

Amy Ems–Pure wit.  She can help you see the funny side of most things in life.  I have shed many tears of laughter while listening to Amy talk about, well, basically anything.  How we need people that have the gift of bringing joy to those around them!  Another side of Amy, though, is her willingness to be vulnerable.  She is not too proud to admit she is a sinner and has encouraged me through her example to practice humility by “laying it all out there.” 

Ginger Lewis–I have never seen Ginger without a gorgeous, joy-filled smile on her face.  There have been times I have felt down or discouraged until I was warmed by her welcome.  She treats no one like they are a stranger but like they are the one person she was hoping to see that day.  I have to admit that I love watching her when Chad preaches.  Her face shows so much adoration for him.  I pray God continues to challenge me to respect my husband as Ginger openly respects and loves hers.

Mandy Montgomery–Superwoman!  This mother of three small children seems like she can do it all.  She has many talents, but she constantly puts herself aside to fulfill her first role as helpmate to her husband.  She is selfless and a hard, hard worker, working with joy for the Lord.  She is filled with wisdom and grace.  Mandy is also extremely gifted in hospitality (her husband publicly praises her for it), and she has taught me much about what true hospitality is.  I have grown largely in this area over the past several months, mainly due to a conversation I had with Mandy a while back.

Chandi Plummer–Wisdom.  She is the kind of woman you just want to be around.  For one, she’s just fun!  She has a very optimistic personality and is always reminding me of the power I have in Christ to do all things.  Talk about gospel-centered!  Though Chandi is not my “official” mentor, I don’t think I’ve ever talked to her, even for short periods of time, without growing spiritually.  She is always ready with a word of wisdom or encouragement.  She is also an amazing example of how to be a God-fearing mother, pointing her daughters to the good news day in and day out.

I praise God for each of these women!  How richly He has blessed me and our church through His work in them.

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My Husband’s Priority Thursday, Sep 20 2007

Bill and I have lately been reevaluating our priorities based on some new insights.  This mainly came after reading “Feminine Appeal” by Carolyn Mahaney.  In her chapter on working at home, she addresses the woman’s top priority–to be a helpmate to her husband. 

After talking with Bill about this chapter, we began thinking about how I would be the biggest help to him, so we looked at what was Bill’s greatest responsibility.  According to Scripture, this responsibility is to pursue godliness himself and to lead his family in godliness.  We began realizing that everything I do as a wife and mother needs to be centered around helping Bill in this pursuit.

Based on this knowledge, Bill began evaluating every aspect of our lives–our kids, home, food, health, sleep, schedules, activities, etc. and thought about how each area fits in to helping him achieve that goal.  He then began to delegate some new tasks to me, took some of my tasks away that weren’t important, and we both began to change our priorities.

Here are a few things we have changed: 

1.  I changed my exercise time to later in the day so I could sleep in thirty more minutes in the morning.  This way, I can stay up thirty minutes more the night before so we have sufficient time to talk about things and read and pray together.
2.  This may sound strange, but when I wake up at 4:30, I shower right away instead of waiting until he leaves for work.  When we have our quiet times during the same part of the morning, I selfishly can’t seem to stop myself from running to him to tell him something I’ve discovered or ask him a question.  Each time I do this, it takes away from his time with the Lord.  If I’m in the shower, I can’t disturb him. 
3.  When I am working with the kids during the day, I now think about their salvation instead of having a smooth day.  For instance, our main goals with Liam right now is to help him understand language.  The more he understands, the more Bill can teach him about our amazing Savior.  That’s a different perspective than I’ve had before.
4.  Many days I talk way too much when Bill gets home because I have hardly talked all day long.  Because I am married to the greatest listener in the world, my talking would often prevent Bill from doing his work at home or spending time with the kids.  We came up with several outlets for me where I can talk to other women during the day.  I have joined MOPS, go to a mom’s day twice a month at church, meet with another woman once a week, and have begun scheduling a play date once a month among other things.  Though my schedule is a bit busier, our marriage has been blessed greatly because I have become a better listener to my husband and I have freed him up more.
5.  I take the kids on an outing most afternoons and don’t return home until around 4:00.  Since Bill gets home around 3:40, this gives him a short amount of time to be completely alone (something he doesn’t get any other time of the day) to pray and gather himself before the demands of being a husband and father come bursting through the door.
6.  We have made diet, exercise, and sleep a bigger priority so we can have the energy to serve the way we need to. 

These are not the only changes we have made, but we have both been amazed how much God has blessed us for simply changing this priority a bit.  The decisions I have to make each day are clearer, and I have joy watching my husband and our family grow in Christ each day.

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Updated Blogroll Tuesday, Apr 24 2007

I added 3 blogs to our blogroll (man, I’m really getting good at this–notice the humility) that you should all check out.  They are all friends of mine that have proven themselves to be godly women full of wisdom beyond their years.  Much of each blog, like ours, is udates about family and life in general, but they also cover many other topics well-worth reading, especially if you are a stay-at-home mom (and especially if you have boys–they have 7 among the 3 of them).  I check their blogs almost daily now and soak up whatever I can learn from them.

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My Favorite Blog Friday, Apr 13 2007

I wanted to recommend my absolute favorite blog of all times that is meant especially for women (though there are many men, including my confident-in-his-manhood hubby, who also read it faithfully).  It’s called Girl Talk, and the link is on our sidebar.  This site has been around for a couple of years and is done by my hero in the faith, Carolyn Mahaney (wife of C.J.–Bill’s hero), and her 3 grown daughters, Nicole Whitacre, Kristin Chesemore, and Janelle Bradshaw.  This blog is full of Biblical insights about being a godly woman, including lots of wisdom about parenting (ironic since one day I disregarded parenting when I left Liam in his crib an extra hour during his nap time while reading the blog and losing track of the time) since all four of them have children ranging from 1 week old to 14 years.  It is an enjoyable blog to read, often full of humor.  Each Friday they post what they call Friday Funnies, something that is rarely theological but always makes me laugh.  I only began reading their site a few months ago, but was enjoying it and learning so much that I went back and read each of their archives.  It’s not an idol for me, but it might be a bit of an obsession…

Another great site is by a single woman named Carolyn McCulley called Solo Femininity.  I would highly recommend this site to single women (and mothers of single daughters) as Carolyn has been faithful to live a life of purity in spite of today’s temptations and is full of wisdom.  Hopefully, this site will be added to our sidebar today–hint, hint, Bill, since I am not computer savvy–but in the meantime, you can click here.

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