Summary of My Last Year on the Computer Sunday, Nov 18 2007

I usually don’t enjoy receiving forwards, but I thought this one from our friend Laura was pretty funny.  

SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER
  
I have to scrub the top of every can I open.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but  that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.  

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.  

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans .

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.  

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face…disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with an infected needle.    
 
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.  

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies! If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician…  Have a wonderful day….

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Family Fun Magazine Wednesday, Nov 14 2007

For all you parents out there who are not already subscribed to “Family Fun” magazine, I would highly recommend it.  I have been subscribed for almost two years now and have never been disappointed.  The magazine is totally about, as you might imagine, fun activities (games, crafts, recipes, etc.) to do with your kids, without all the articles about how to be a “better” parent.  Though it is really meant for preschool and older, I have already used some of the ideas with my little ones.  If you are interested, though, they just came out with a magazine a while back specifically for little ones called “Wondertime.”  I haven’t really checked it out, so I won’t recommend it yet.  Have fun making memories with your family!

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Halloween Fun Wednesday, Nov 7 2007

Here are a few pics of the kids last week:

Pebbles and Bamm Bamm

Liam painting his first pumkin

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Happy Birthday, Baby Girl! Monday, Nov 5 2007

Unbelievable, but our little Ariana is one today! This little girl has been such a blessing to us.  It seems it is almost impossible to upset her (well, unless your name is Liam), so no matter what kind of mood I’m in, I am often humbled by her natural joy.  Her names mean “holy” and “God is my crown,” and we pray God will make her holy in His Son, Jesus, and that she will live a life that seeps the gospel out of every pour. 

God, in Your mercy, bless this little girl and call her to Yourself.  Help us as her parents to guide her daily to the life that is found only in Your Son and His resurrection.  We praise You, oh, Lord, with all our hearts for this little treasure You have so graciously given us!   

Will you each take a moment today to praise God for Ariana and to pray for her and us?

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That Two-Year-Old Makes Me Laugh Thursday, Nov 1 2007

On the first rainy day last week, I decided to change Liam’s schedule a bit since we couldn’t get outside to play.  Whether or not that had anything to do with it, Mommy laughed a lot that day at her little guy.  Here are some things he did:

1)  When pointing out members of the family, he says, “Mommy, Dada, Sissy, Wiam,” so I decided to remind him that Sissy’s name wasn’t actually Sissy (BTW, he does actually call her Ariana at times).

Me: (pointing)  “Mommy, Liam, Ariana”

Liam: (looking at me like I had lost my mind and adamantly pointing at Ariana)  “Sissy, Mommy, Dada (who wasn’t there), Wiam.”

Me: (trying again) “Say Ariana, Mommy, Liam.”

Liam: (really looking a bit concerned now that I didn’t know my own daughters rightful name) “Sissy, Dada (who still wasn’t there), Mommy, Wiam.” 

Oh, well, what’s the use?

2)  The only T.V. we have is in our bedroom and is rarely used, so for a change we ate trail mix in bed and watched ”Fantasia 2000.”  By the end, Liam was getting a little bored, so he started climbing on top of the many pillows at the head of the bed, running off them, and jumping, landing cross legged.  The last time he misjudged a bit and basically jumped off the end of the bed accidentally.  He began screaming immediately, and though I did tend to him, I couldn’t stop laughing.  It was just too much like a scene from a great slap-stick comedy.  Liam kept looking at me as if to say, “How can you be laughing at me?  I’m hurt,” but I still couldn’t stop.  Hopefully, that won’t be my reaction if he really gets hurt.

3)  I have never let Liam request what he wants to eat, but he kept requesting animal crackers before lunch.  Since the day was a little off anyway, I told him I would actually give him some with his sandwich only to remember we didn’t have any.  To make it up to him, I told him he could have a chocolate chip cookie instead.  As his eyes got bigger and he grinned from ear to ear, he made more requests.

“Yes, a cookie, um, bwed (bread), um, cheese, um, pwate (plate), and a spoon–pweese (please).”

He has never had a lunch quite like that before, but that day I gave him a piece of bread, some string cheese, a cookie, a plate, and yes, a spoon.  

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